Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
