do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
