***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
where are my eyebrows?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
