would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
