I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
