Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize