I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
