so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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