I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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