on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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