Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
