i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
