do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize