Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
