I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
