nut hugger
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So. Much. Porn.
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