so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
