we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
