this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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