this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
