Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
