Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
