Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want to make out with him forever
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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