so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
