ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
