i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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