Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
