She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
