Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
