yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
