I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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