no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
