IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There r osticjed everywhere
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
