I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
