How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
