Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
