So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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