i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
