I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
