i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
