Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
