Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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