so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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