After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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