After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
