She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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