I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
