3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
