He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the condom got lost in my hair
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
