im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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