Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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