No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
