The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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