i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
