Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it was like having sex with a tree stump
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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