Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
