Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
