unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
