This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
