My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
