I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
a search helicopter?!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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