we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
