So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
