Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
