the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
