My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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