Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
