Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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