sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
