i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
