I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
