using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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