umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
