I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
