IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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